Animaltown
by Slum-Curper
Summary: It seemed like an ordinary investigation. Cut and dry. But of course, when it comes to noir, things are never truly as they seem, are they?
1. In Media Res

**Chapter 1: In Media Res**

It's funny how a seemingly insignificant event can change the entire course of your life. The thing of it is, this was supposed to be a run-of-the-mill case. Some quick dough to hold me over until something real happened. Well something real did happen, just not how I ever would have expected.

* * *

 **2:16AM Tuesday**

' _This city's so damn wet.'_ A rainy city at night, as cliché of backdrop as you can get in a detective story, right? As romanticized as the whole setting may be, traipsing through a wet, dark and miserable concrete jungle ain't exactly pleasant.

 ** _Splish Splosh_**

The sound of rubber on wet concrete, muffled slightly by the endless cacophony of traffic. Each step brought me closer to what I sought. I only had my wits and my slingshot with me, but by God, I was prepared for anything. Or at least, I was under that illusion.

My feet came to a stop as my attention came to a street sign. _'Raccoon Street, eh?'_ This part of town was rather worse for wear. You might say it was on the wrong side of the tracks, so to speak. The street had a history of corruption. It was a hotbed for organized crime, the operating grounds of the Nook family.

I let out a sigh, then continued my path. I had arranged a tête-à-tête with an informant of mine. He was to flash a light on and off 3 times in the alley near Brewster's, a local bar. As I approached the alley, I noticed a shadowy figure.

 _ **CRASH**_

' _What an appropriate time for thunder.'_ Out of the figure's pocket came a flashlight, then came one flash that lasted about two seconds. Then another, and then a final third flash. I nodded and continued down the alley, steeling myself for what might be in store.

"Well, Diamond, it's nice to see that you're alive and well." Diamond cleared his throat, and took a couple of steps forward. Diamond wasn't exactly what you'd call human. Actually, he wasn't human at all. He was a dog with grayish-brown fur, freckles, and odd-looking specks for eyes. I can't say I knew him personally, other than the fact that he had a sister that he cared deeply for.

"I think you should quit while you're ahead, Spade." Diamond looked worried, more so than usual. "The Nook family has an extraordinary amount of influence in this city. You can't stay under the radar forever. Tom and his goons are already suspicious." He gulped. "I don't think this informant gig will last much longer."

Tsk. "I know I've asked a lot from you in the last couple of days, and believe me, if I had known things would escalate to this degree, I would have never taken that case." I let out a deep breath. "But we've come so far. Just a little more work and we can end this nightmare."

Diamond sighed and shook his head. "Look, Spade. I'll tell you what you want to know, but this can't happen again. I'm taking enough of a risk just being near you."

"I appreciate it, Diamond."

"Well, you s-" Diamond was interrupted by the sound of a car coming to a screeching halt. An ominous figure slowly rolled down the back window. _'It must be one of the Nooks.'_ I sprung behind a nearby trash can as I clumsily reached for my slingshot. Diamond wasn't so quick. He stood, frozen in fear, staring at the dark vehicle.

"Diamond, what the hell are you doing?" I whispered through clenched teeth. I scrambled to my feet in a vain attempt to bring him to safety. I was too late.

SPLASH

Diamond had been shot. _'No. It wasn't supposed to be like this…'_ Time slowed. I could hear each individual heartbeat, not unlike a timpani section. I turned to face the mysterious assailant with as much speed as I could muster, but the time it took felt unending. I couldn't make hide nor hair of the culprit that struck down Diamond. All I could make out was the impression of a slingshot.

Pointed right at me.

The rain seemed to have fell silent. All I could hear was the sound of rubber being stretched, followed by silence.

* * *

 **4:16PM Friday**

It had been a slow week. Serious crime seemed to have taken a week off in our fair city, and I was desperate for some work. The life of a private dick ain't all luxury, you know. I've got bills to pay like everybody else. I leaned back in my chair, put my feet up on the desk, and let out the biggest sigh in years. I glanced at the clock.

' _4:16, huh? I guess that's another uneventful day for an uneventful week.'_

KNOCK KNOCK

I was brought out of my thoughts by the sound of loud wrapping on my office door. "Come in." I shouted, trying but failing not to sound too desperate. The door creaked open, revealing the figure of a white cat, with a stylish tuft of blonde hair and an immodest amount of makeup.

"And what might be the nature of your business?"

The feline took a seat and cleared her throat. "My name is Monique. I need you to find somebody, pffffft." I stared incredulously for a few seconds. "Oh, that's right, I forgot about those verbal tics some of you animals have."

I put my feet down. "Ahem, so, who do you want me to find?" She pulled out a picture from her purse, then handed it to me.

"His name is Joey."


	2. Beginnings

**Chapter 2: Beginnings**

* * *

"Uh… is he wearing a diaper?"

Maybe my question lacked tact. But this was just bizarre. "Joey has a _unique_ sense of style, to say the least." I let out a cough. "Well, anyhow, what can you tell me about the Joey fella? Where he works, his usual haunts et cetera."

"Pffffft, Joey is a professional sponge. He's unemployed and lives an utterly hedonistic lifestyle of eating, sleeping and other vices I feel are better left unmentioned." She cleared her throat and continued. "At first the townsfolk tolerated Joey. But as time went on, his lack of self-reliance and neediness became too much to bear." I signaled for her to continue.

"He disappeared two days ago. At first, I thought he'd simply lost track of time while catching bugs, but he'd never left town for that long before."

"So, do you have any ideas as to why he may have left? Or do you know of anyone who would want to harm him?"

"There were rumors that these favors weren't done out of kindness or pity. Many believed that Joey had been extorting other townsfolk." She reached into her purse to grab a tissue.

 _ **ACHOO**_

"Bless you."

"Mm, thank you." She tossed the soiled tissue into a nearby trash can. "There were also stories flying around about an apparent gambling addiction. Apparently, Joey had amassed quite a debt. If so, I guess he had to find some way to supplement his habit, pffffft."

I whistled. "Well, can you give the names and details of the animals that did most of his _favors_?" I pulled open the left-hand drawer of my desk and rummaged around until I got hand of my notepad. I flipped through it until I reached an empty page and grabbed a nearby pen. _'Heh, haven't used this in a while.'_

"Some more information about his rumored gambling addiction would be appreciated, too."

"I can't tell you too much about the gambling rumors. All I can say is that apparently Joey made frequent rendezvous with an animal named Eugene. I know nothing of the Eugene person, nor do I even know what species he is. I do apologize, pffffft."

"Well, I'm sure if I put my head to it, I can learn more about this Eugene fella."

"When it came to favors, Joey, ahem, _favored_ asking three particular animals."I smirked lightly in acknowledgment of the pun. She continued. "First there's Hamphrey, a little black hamster with a rough attitude. People who know of him would know that he's not the type to do someone a favor purely out of the kindness of his heart."

"Go on."

"Hamphrey's always been a loner. Not many people know much about him or what he really does. You _could_ try talking to him directly, but I think you'll have better luck asking around town, pffffft."

"The second is a rabbit by the name of Carmen. She fancies herself as somewhat of a local celebrity. Most townsfolk indulge her little fantasies as not to hurt her feelings." Monique readjusted herself in her chair.

"She's never held a stable career. She's worked as a waitress in various joints around town. I think her current job is at a place called Brewster's. I'm sure you've heard of it."

' _Brewster's? That's a pretty seedy place.'_ I gave an affirmative nod. "Last, but not least, there's Cobb. He's a pig, and quite sporty, too. He's involved himself in all sorts of local sports leagues, jogs every morning, spends quite a bit of time at the gym et cetera."

Monique opened her purse and took out a pen then ripped off a page from a small notebook. "I'll write down their addresses, including the gym that Cobb frequents, pffffft." She proceeded to scribble on the sheet. _'How does she do that with those stubs?'_

She handed me the paper which I graciously accepted. "Now, if there's anything else you need to know, please ask. I've included my phone number on the sheet as well." I looked over the note she had given me as well as the notes I had just taken. Feeling satisfied, I replied "I think I have everything I need. Now as for payment…"

"I'm willing to pay whatever you feel is necessary."

I chuckled. "Well, then. I require an advanced payment of 3000 bells, as well as an additional 500 bells for each day of work. I'll tell you that I'm usually quite efficient, so this shouldn't take more than a couple days."

She pursed her lips, then nodded. After rooting around her purse for a few seconds, she revealed a small bag of bells. "I'm sure this will be satisfactory, pffffft." She plopped it on my desk. I reached for it, then bounced it up and down a few times in my hand. I opened the bag and started counting. _'Hmm… Yep, 3000 bells even.'_

"I appreciate your patronage."

* * *

 **10:32 AM Saturday**

' _So, this is Cobb's house.'_ I double checked my notes to make sure I was at the right address, and indeed I was. His house was a little worse for wear, to say the least. A rusty, metallic shack with a beaten-up door, protected by logs lined with barbed wire.

' _He's got interesting taste, I'll give him that.'_

I noticed smoke coming from his chimney. I smiled, glad that I had come at the right time.

 _ **KNOCK KNOCK**_

No response. He was clearly home, not only was his furnace running, but his lights were on. A sigh escaped as I prepared for a follow up knock. Just as my right fist was ready to make contact with his door, I heard a creaking noise. The door opened, revealing a sickly green pig, wearing... glasses? Or did his eyes just look like that? It was hard to tell.

"Ya know, most folks just walk on in, hot dog."

I smiled briskly as he gestured for me to come in. The interior of his house was _unique._ His walls were lined with hundreds upon hundreds of books, or so it seemed. "You put up wallpaper that looks like bookshelves? Why?" He shrugged.

"Why not? If people think I have books, they'll think I'm smart, right?"

' _I don't think you'll fool many people with that.'_

Aside from his wallpaper, there were two models of the human anatomy, as well as a rack of vitamins and supplements. Moreover, I noticed a table with a beaker filled with an unrecognizable substance as well as some illegible schematics. What was this guy's deal? This didn't seem like the abode of a so-called _sporty_ pig.

"So," Cobb began, "why are you here, hot dog?"

"What can you tell me about a duck named Joey?"


End file.
